Academic Style — Essay Writing 9 (C1)

ESSAY WRITING · LESSON 9

Academic Style

C1–C2 · IELTS Writing Task 2 · 90 minutes

The myth: rare words, no "I"

Use rare words and idioms, and never use "I".

TR

CC

LR

GRA

Task Alone: rate both statements on the 1–5 scale and write your numbers down. In pairs: compare, and give one reason for each number.

1

strongly agree

2

mostly agree

3

on the fence

4

mostly disagree

5

strongly disagree

1. Rare words and idioms make an essay sound more academic.

2. An academic essay should never use "I".

Two ways to miss the register

Task In pairs. In each paragraph, find three words or phrases that would make a careful academic reader stumble, and say why: too casual, too inflated, an odd collocation, or a cliché. Then agree which of the four reader's questions each paragraph fails.

Some cities now let residents vote on how part of the local budget is spent. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

PARAGRAPH A, CHATTY · 88 words

PARAGRAPH B, OVERBLOWN · 86 words

So why is letting residents vote such a good idea? Well, basically, the people who live in a neighbourhood know it way better than some official in an office. Think about it: the council might want a fancy new fountain, but locals know that what they really need is decent lighting near the bus stop, because walking there at night is honestly a bit scary. If you let them choose, the money actually gets spent on stuff people use, and they'll trust the council a lot more too.

Indubitably, the paramount merit of participatory budgeting resides in the unparalleled cognisance that denizens possess regarding their own locality. Whereas municipal functionaries may endeavour to erect an ornamental fountain, inhabitants comprehend that the quintessential requisite is efficacious illumination proximate to the omnibus halt, since perambulating there nocturnally engenders trepidation. At the end of the day, empowering citizens ensures that public funds are utilised for amenities of genuine utility, and it kills two birds with one stone by fostering an augmented reservoir of trust in the authorities.

Plain academic register

Academic register sits between the two paragraphs: formal enough to sound considered, plain enough to read at speed. It answers two reader's questions: "Is every word the right one?" and "Is every sentence under control?"

The exact word, not the rare one

Drop the idioms and clichés

A word earns its place by meaning exactly what you mean and sitting naturally with its neighbours. Better lighting is a natural collocation; efficacious illumination is not. A word you met in a thesaurus five minutes ago comes without its collocations.

At the end of the day and kill two birds with one stone belong to conversation. In an essay they sound memorised, and they say less than the plain sentence they replace. Natural fixed phrases, such as a false economy, are different: they are simply the exact words.

Actions in verbs, mostly

Neither chatty nor pompous

The allocation of funds by residents leads to an increase in trust hides who does what. When residents decide how money is spent, they tend to trust the council more says it. Keep a noun when it sums up what you have just said: This decision...

Drop the fillers and the reader-chat (well, basically, think about it, way better, stuff). Don't swing to the other extreme.

Rewrite in plain register

70–90

Task Choose Paragraph A or Paragraph B from "Two ways to miss the register". Rewrite it in plain academic register: 70–90 words, 6 minutes, in your own document. Keep the argument and the example; change only the wording. When you finish, underline the change you are most pleased with.

WORDS

6

MINUTES

One plain version

PARAGRAPH C, PLAIN · 74 words

The main advantage of letting residents vote on spending is that they know their own neighbourhood better than officials do. A council might plan a decorative fountain, for example, while local people may know that the area needs better lighting at a bus stop that feels unsafe after dark. When residents choose, money is more likely to go on facilities that people actually use, and residents may also come to trust the council more.

The hedging scale

A claim should be as strong as its support, and no stronger. Words like may, tends to, is likely to and in many cases soften a claim; words like clearly, always and obviously strengthen it. Overclaim, and a careful reader stops trusting you. Hedge everything, and you have said nothing.

Task In pairs. Rate each claim on the 1–5 scale for this statement: "This claim is as strong as a writer could defend with reasoning and examples." Then choose the two worst claims and rewrite each one so that it fits.

1

strongly agree

2

mostly agree

3

on the fence

4

mostly disagree

5

strongly disagree

The hedging scale (2)

1

strongly agree

2

mostly agree

3

on the fence

4

mostly disagree

5

strongly disagree

A

A tax on sugary drinks will make the population healthier.

B

Investing in public transport always solves traffic congestion.

C

Investing in public transport can reduce congestion, especially where it offers a real alternative to driving.

D

It could perhaps be argued that free school meals might possibly have some effect on some children in certain cases.

E

Obviously, nobody could object to spending more on roads.

F

Spending on prevention, such as vaccination programmes, is likely to reduce some later healthcare costs, although the savings vary from one programme to another.

G

Cuts to public libraries may, to some extent, arguably affect certain people in some ways.

H

In many cases, running a new public building costs more over its lifetime than building it did.

Using "I"

In an opinion essay, the question asks what you think. Saying "I" where you state your position answers it directly. What weakens an essay is not "I", but "I think" used instead of a reason.

Three versions of one thesis:

A

In my personal opinion, I think that letting residents vote on spending is maybe a good idea.

B

It is believed by some that participatory budgeting may be beneficial.

C

I would argue that letting residents decide part of the budget does more good than harm, provided the vote is open to everyone.

Use "I" where you take your position: the thesis, the conclusion, perhaps a concession. Everywhere else, the reasons carry the essay.

Sentence control

Task In pairs, each write your own version, then compare and keep the clearer one. 1. Combine Sample 1 into two or three sentences that show how the ideas connect. 2. Untangle Sample 2 into two or three sentences, with each subject close to its verb.

SAMPLE 1, CHOPPY · 47 words

SAMPLE 2, TANGLED · 65 words

Many governments subsidise fuel. Fuel subsidies are popular. They keep transport costs low. However, they are expensive. Wealthier households benefit most. They own more cars. They also drive further. The money could be spent elsewhere. It could fund public transport. It could also support poorer families directly.

The decision of many governments to reduce spending on road maintenance in order to balance their budgets, which is often presented by politicians as a sensible saving even though repairs that are postponed usually become more expensive later because small cracks turn into large potholes that damage vehicles and eventually require complete resurfacing, is in reality a false economy that transfers costs to the future.

Style pass: your portfolio essay

Task Open your portfolio essay. In 12 minutes, revise your introduction and Body paragraph 1 (about 150 words) for style only. The ideas stay. Make three passes:

1. Words: cut anything chatty, inflated or clichéd, and check each collocation.

2. Claims: size every claim. Remove a booster you can't defend; rescue a claim hedged into nothing. Keep "I" where you take your position.

3. Sentences: combine choppy runs; untangle any sentence you had to read twice.

12

MINUTES

~150

WORDS

Style pass: your portfolio essay (2)

Stay inside the word budget: introduction 40–50, Body 1 100–110. Highlight every change. When you finish, copy your best change, before and after, under the paragraph.

Introduction

Body 1

Body 2

Conclusion

40–50

100–110

100–110

30–40

0

100

250 minimum

200

~320 ceiling

~300 target

Peer check: style

Task In pairs. Send your partner your revised introduction and Body paragraph 1. Read theirs with two questions: "Is every word the right one?" and "Is every sentence under control?" Write one strength and one change, a sentence each, and send them back.

TR

CC

LR

GRA

Task Response

Coherence and Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

“Did it answer the question?”

“Can I follow it?”

“Is every word the right one?”

“Is every sentence under control?”

Back to the myth

Use rare words and idioms, and never use "I".

TR

CC

LR

GRA

Task Rate the two statements from "The myth: rare words, no 'I'" again. Has either number moved? Why?

1

strongly agree

2

mostly agree

3

on the fence

4

mostly disagree

5

strongly disagree

1. Rare words and idioms make an essay sound more academic.

2. An academic essay should never use "I".

Back to the myth (2)

The verdict

TR

CC

LR

GRA

Lexical Resource rewards "precise use" and "an awareness of style and collocation". Uncommon and idiomatic items count "when appropriate", which means when they are the exact words. Grammatical Range and Accuracy rewards range used "with full flexibility and control": sentences under control, not sentences on display. The descriptors say nothing against "I"; an opinion essay asks for your opinion.

Before Lesson 10

Plain, exact and sized to the evidence: that is academic style.

TR

Task Response

Choose the word that means exactly what you mean, make each claim as strong as its support, and write sentences you control. Use "I" where you take your position.

CC

Coherence and Cohesion

LR

Lexical Resource

Next lesson: The Finished Essay: the 40 minutes, cutting to budget, a personal proofreading checklist, and your timed essay set beside your Lesson 1 diagnostic.

GRA

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

Homework

Task Finish the style pass on your portfolio essay: revise Body paragraph 2 and the conclusion with the same three passes (words, claims, sentences), then read the whole essay through once. Keep the total at 280–320 words (Body 2 100–110, conclusion 30–40). Then write a short list of three changes you made anywhere in the essay: for each, the before, the after, and one sentence on why, naming the reader's question it serves. About 30 minutes. Bring the essay and the list to Lesson 10.

280–320

WORDS

30

MINUTES

TEACHER'S REFERENCE · SKIP OR DELETE BEFORE CLASS

Answer key (1)

TWO WAYS TO MISS THE REGISTER any three per paragraph, with a reason

• Paragraph A, too casual: the rhetorical opener So why is... such a good idea?; fillers well, basically, think about it, honestly; way better, some official, fancy, a bit scary, stuff, a lot more; addressing the reader (If you let them choose); the contraction they'll. The argument and example are fine. It fails mainly "Is every word the right one?"; the sentences themselves are under control.

• Paragraph B, too inflated: thesaurus words where plain ones exist (indubitably, paramount, cognisance, denizens, functionaries, perambulating, nocturnally, omnibus halt); odd or unnatural collocations (efficacious illumination, engenders trepidation, augmented reservoir of trust, amenities of genuine utility); the clichés at the end of the day and kills two birds with one stone, which also clash with the inflated register around them. It fails "Is every word the right one?" and, because a reader has to decode it, it slows "Can I follow it?" too.

TEACHER'S REFERENCE · SKIP OR DELETE BEFORE CLASS

Answer key (2)

THE HEDGING SCALE intended scores; a point either way is fine if the pair can defend it

• A. 3 to 4. Plausible direction, but will and the population healthier claim a large outcome far from the mechanism. Fix: A tax on sugary drinks is likely to reduce how much sugar people buy, which may in turn improve health.

• B. 5. Always solves is an absolute that one counter-example breaks. Fix: see C.

• C. 1 to 2. Hedged once (can), with a condition that explains when it holds.

• D. 5. Five hedges on one modest claim (could perhaps be argued, might possibly, some effect, some children, certain cases): it no longer says anything. Fix: Free school meals are likely to help some children concentrate, particularly those who would otherwise arrive hungry.

• E. 5. The booster obviously and the universal nobody claim a consensus that doesn't exist: many people object to road spending on cost or environmental grounds. Fix: More spending on roads tends to be popular, though it is often opposed on cost or environmental grounds.

• F. 1 to 2. One hedge (is likely to), a scope limit (some later costs) and an honest qualification.

• G. 5. Stacked hedges again (may, to some extent, arguably, certain people, some ways). Fix: Cuts to public libraries are likely to hurt people who have no other free access to books, computers or a quiet place to study.

• H. 1 to 2. In many cases limits the claim to what a writer can reasonably defend from experience of how buildings are run.

• Pattern to draw out: the well-calibrated claims (C, F, H) use one hedge, placed where the uncertainty really is, and often add a condition.

TEACHER'S REFERENCE · SKIP OR DELETE BEFORE CLASS

Answer key (3)

USING "I"

• A. "I" is not the problem; the padding is. In my personal opinion, I think says the same thing three times, and maybe a good idea hedges the thesis into nothing.

• B. The writer has disappeared. It is believed by some tells the reader nothing about what the writer thinks, which is what an opinion prompt asks.

• C. The strongest: the writer owns the claim, takes a clear position and sizes it with a condition (provided the vote is open to everyone).

SENTENCE CONTROL one version of each; students' versions may differ and be as good

• Sample 1: Fuel subsidies are popular because they keep transport costs low, but they are expensive, and most of the benefit goes to wealthier households, which own more cars and drive further. The same money could fund public transport or support poorer families directly.

• Sample 2: Many governments cut road maintenance to balance their budgets, and politicians often present the cut as a sensible saving. In reality it is a false economy. Repairs that are postponed usually cost more later, because small cracks grow into potholes that damage vehicles and eventually require complete resurfacing.

• What changed in Sample 2: the original's subject (The decision) waits more than 50 words for its verb (is). Splitting it puts each subject next to its verb, and the short middle sentence gives the main point its weight.