LISTENING
Tapescript: "Two Seats, One Screen"
a film podcast
NOOR Welcome back to Two Seats, One Screen — I'm Noor.
CALLUM I'm Callum, and this week: Iron Harbour 2, the sequel absolutely nobody asked for.
NOOR I asked for it! I loved the first one.
CALLUM You reviewed the first one as "a loud headache".
NOOR I grew. OK, the basics: it's an action thriller, directed by Petra Malanova — her first big studio film — and it's set in a fictional port city in the 1980s, though it was actually shot on location in Trieste, which looks absolutely gorgeous.
CALLUM The city is the best actor in it.
NOOR Oh, here we go.
CALLUM The plot, listeners. A retired diver has to find a sunken ship before some very evil men do. That's it. That's the film. It's based on a novel — a four-hundred-page novel — and they've kept the title and, I think, one scene.
NOOR The script is thin, I'll give you that. But Malanova knows exactly what she's doing. The underwater scenes are genuinely exciting — I mean edge-of-your-seat — and here's the thing: almost no computer graphics. Real divers, real water. After ten years of weightless digital nonsense, the special effects feel heavy and dangerous, because they're barely effects at all.
CALLUM The diving is spectacular, agreed. It's the talking I object to. Amara Sy plays the part of the diver, and she's a genuine star — the camera loves her — but they've given her nothing to say except coordinates.
NOOR And yet the audience at my screening applauded. Twice. When did you last hear that?
CALLUM At my screening a man's phone went off and honestly, the ringtone had a better plot. And a word about the soundtrack: relentless. The music tells you what to feel every single second. There's a scene — no spoilers — where a character simply opens a door, and the orchestra reacts like the ship's sinking again.
NOOR The soundtrack is committed.
CALLUM The soundtrack is shouting.
NOOR Final verdicts. Mine: flawed script, thrilling film — see it on the biggest screen you can find. Four stars.
CALLUM Beautiful to look at, empty inside. Wait until it's on at home, watch the diving scenes, mute the rest. Two stars.
NOOR Next week: a three-hour black-and-white historical drama with subtitles. Callum has already booked a haircut he doesn't need.
CALLUM It's a very long film, Noor.