Questions you can't ask (B1/B2)

cover slide

Warmer

When you fill in a form, are you happy to state:

your age?

your salary?

your religion?

your relationship status?

Which do you dislike — and why those?

Is there any other information you don't like giving out?

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Read the four conversations. Who are the people, and where are they? What goes wrong in each?

1

A: Lovely flat! Great location.

B: Thanks, we like it.

A: What are you paying for it, if you don't mind me asking?

B: Er... enough!

2

A: Big election on Sunday.

B: Don't remind me.

A: So... who gets your vote?

B: The kitchen's this way — can I get you a drink?

3

A: You seem happier lately.

B: I've been seeing a therapist, actually. It helps.

A: A therapist? What's wrong with you?

B: Nothing's wrong with me, Auntie.

4

A: When are you two giving us grandchildren then?

B: Mum. We've been married three weeks.

A: I'm only asking. Everyone's asking.

B: Then everyone can mind their own business.

Discuss

Thermometer

1. In each dialogue, is the question acceptable in your country? Between which people?

2. Which reply is the most skilful? Which is the rudest?

3. Which of the four questions would you genuinely mind being asked — and by whom?

4. Which question would you happily answer from a stranger online but never from your aunt? Why does distance change the rules?

Give each question a temperature from 1 (anyone may ask) to 10 (nobody may ask). Compare with a partner; investigate every gap of 3 or more:

How much do you earn? __

Who did you vote for? __

What's your rent? __

Do you believe in God? __

Why don't you drink? __

Why no children? __

Are you in therapy? __

What do you weigh? __

How much is saved for retirement? __

Have you had surgery? __

What did that cost? __

Are you happy? __

Openers & closers

Sort the expressions: write O if it opens a nosy question politely, C if it closes one gracefully:

1. I know this is none of my business, but...

2. I'd rather not get into that, if you don't mind.

3. Can I ask you something personal?

4. Why do you ask?

5. Don't take this the wrong way, but...

6. Let's just say I'm comfortable.

7. That's between me and my landlord.

8. I hope you don't mind me asking, but...

9. Ask me again when we've known each other ten years.

Notice: the openers all apologise before the crime. Does the apology actually buy permission — or just warn you it's coming?

Deflection game

In pairs: A asks a high-temperature question; B must reply without answering and without offending, using the closers. Then swap.

The taboo map

For each topic, tick every group it's taboo with. Then compare maps across the class — especially across cultures:

money — with family [ ]

money — with colleagues [ ]

politics — with family [ ]

politics — with strangers [ ]

religion — with friends [ ]

health — with colleagues [ ]

love life — with parents [ ]

therapy — with anyone [ ]

salary — with your partner [ ]

age — online [ ]

Discussion

1. Salary secrecy mainly protects employers — if nobody knows anyone's pay, nobody knows they're underpaid. Should salaries be public, as they are in some countries?

2. Your generation posts things online your grandparents wouldn't tell a doctor — and hides things the grandparents might announce at dinner (a vote, a salary). What flipped, and why?

3. Are taboo questions a form of politeness — or a form of control? Who benefits when a topic is unaskable?

4. Is any question acceptable if you're close enough? Name one question with no acceptable asker.

Homework

Write your country's five unwritten rules of conversation for a confused foreign visitor. Rule 1: "Never ask..."

Money used to be the last taboo. Now people post their salaries and hide their votes. What has changed — and is it progress?

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