Transactions — Transactional Analysis 4 (C1)

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS · LESSON 4

Transactions

C1 (B2–C2) · 90 minutes

The next line

Task Vote: which reply is most likely to start an argument? Then write Kenji's next line after reply C.

Kenji is late for work. He calls to his flatmate Leila:

Kenji: Have you seen my keys?

Three possible replies:

A

Leila: On the hook by the door.

B

Leila: Why do you always blame me when you lose things?

C

Leila: Oh, you poor thing. Come here, we'll find them together, like always.

Which reply would you most like to hear on a bad morning?

TEXT 1

The Smallest Unit

Task Read the text. Be ready to explain the first two rules of communication to a partner without looking.

"The unit of social intercourse is called a transaction." So Eric Berne began his account of transactional analysis in Games People Play (1964). When two people meet, sooner or later one of them speaks or in some other way acknowledges the other: this is the transactional stimulus. The other then says or does something related to it: the transactional response. To analyse a transaction is to ask which ego state sent the stimulus, which ego state it was aimed at, and which ego state answered.

TA draws this as two

Parent–Adult–Child stacks side by side, with one arrow for each message, running from the ego state that sends it to the ego state it addresses.

In a complementary transaction, the response comes from the ego state that was addressed and returns to the one that sent the stimulus, so the arrows run parallel. "What time is the meeting?" "Ten o'clock." is Adult to Adult and back. A tired child asking to be carried, and a parent lifting her up, is Child to Parent, then Parent to Child.

TEXT 1 · CONTINUED

The Smallest Unit

Complementary does not mean pleasant: two colleagues in Parent agreeing that nobody answers emails properly any more can keep going all afternoon. Hence Berne's first rule of communication: as long as transactions remain complementary, communication can, in principle, continue indefinitely.

In a crossed transaction, the response comes from a different ego state from the one addressed, or is aimed at a different one. The arrows are no longer parallel and usually cross. Berne's own example: someone asks, in Adult, "Do you know where my cuff links are?" and hears "You always blame me for everything", a Child

reply aimed at a Parent. The second rule: when a transaction is crossed, communication on that subject breaks off. To restore it, one or both people must shift ego state: either the first speaker meets the sudden Child from Parent, or the second speaker's Adult is brought back.

One caution. Ego states are inferred, not seen. The same words can come from different states, so TA asks practitioners to read tone, face, posture and timing as well as words. A diagram is a hypothesis about a conversation, not a recording of it.

The Smallest Unit

Complementary

Complementary

Crossed

P

P

P

P

P

P

A

A

A

A

A

A

C

C

C

C

C

C

Left stack = first speaker. Right stack = second speaker.

Read the diagrams · 1

Task For each exchange, name the type (complementary or crossed) and say which ego state sends to which, for both lines. One diagram is drawn wrongly: find it and say in words how to redraw it. Then write Lucas's next line in Exchange 3.

Left stack = first speaker. Right stack = second speaker.

P

P

Exchange 1 · Priya and Tomasz, colleagues in Mumbai and Warsaw

A

A

1. Priya: What time does the Lisbon call start?

2. Tomasz: Three o'clock, Lisbon time.

C

C

P

P

Exchange 2 · Nadia and Femi, partners, at home in Lagos

A

A

1. Nadia: (dropping her bag on the floor) I've had an awful day. Just tell me it'll be all right.

2. Femi: Come here. It'll be all right. I'll make some tea.

C

C

Read the diagrams · 1

Task For each exchange, name the type (complementary or crossed) and say which ego state sends to which, for both lines. One diagram is drawn wrongly: find it and say in words how to redraw it. Then write Lucas's next line in Exchange 3.

Left stack = first speaker. Right stack = second speaker.

Exchange 3 · Lucas and Mei, an accounts team in Lyon

P

P

1. Lucas: Did you send the invoice to the client?

2. Mei: Why are you always checking up on me?

A

A

C

C

3. Lucas:

TEXT 2

Two Messages at Once

Task Read the text. Note one example of a hidden message you have heard this week, at work, at home or on screen.

Some transactions carry two messages at once. Berne called them ulterior transactions: exchanges in which more than two ego states are active at the same time. One message is open, at the social level. The other is hidden, at the psychological level, carried by tone, timing, a look or a choice of words. On a diagram, social-level arrows are solid and psychological-level arrows are dashed.

An angular transaction involves three ego states. Berne remarked that salespeople are particularly adept at

them. A shop assistant says, "This is our best laptop, but it may be more than you need." At the social level this is Adult to Adult: information. At the psychological level it is aimed at the customer's Child, which hears: don't tell me what I can't have. If the customer replies, "I'll take it," the Child has answered.

A duplex transaction involves four ego states, two on each side. Flirting is the textbook case. "Would you like to see the view from the roof terrace?" "I'd love to. I'm very interested in architecture."

TEXT 2 · CONTINUED

Two Messages at Once

Socially, two Adults are discussing buildings; psychologically, two Children are playing.

This gives Berne's third rule of communication: the behavioural outcome of an ulterior transaction is decided at the psychological level, not the social level. People respond to what was meant, not to what was said. Ulterior transactions also prepare the ground for later in this module: Berne defined a game as an ongoing series of complementary ulterior transactions moving towards a predictable outcome.

Three cautions. First, the psychological

level is always an interpretation, and hearing hidden messages everywhere can become a trap of its own ("I know what you really meant"). Second, not every hidden message is hostile: tact, humour and encouragement often work at the psychological level too. Third, cultures differ in how much meaning they expect to travel unspoken; what one listener hears as manipulation, another hears as ordinary courtesy. Like the rest of TA, these rules grew out of clinical observation rather than controlled experiments.

Two Messages at Once

Angular

Duplex

P

P

P

P

A

A

A

A

C

C

C

C

hidden message

hidden message

social level

psychological level (hidden)

Left stack = first speaker. Right stack = second speaker.

Read the diagrams · 2

Task These diagrams show only the social level. For each exchange, add the hidden arrows in words (for example, "dashed: left P to right C"), say whether it is angular or duplex, and use the third rule to predict what happens next.

P

P

Exchange 4 · Ravi and Chiara, engineers in Singapore

A

A

1. Ravi: (with a small smile) This project's probably too demanding for someone so new. I'll ask Klaus.

2. Chiara: No, give it to me. I can do it.

C

C

P

P

Exchange 5 · Ahmed and Sara, a married couple in Amman

A

A

1. Ahmed: (not looking up from his phone) Did you remember to pay the electricity bill?

2. Sara: (sharply) Yes. On Tuesday. As always.

C

C

Read the diagrams · 2

Task These diagrams show only the social level. For each exchange, add the hidden arrows in words (for example, "dashed: left P to right C"), say whether it is angular or duplex, and use the third rule to predict what happens next.

P

P

Exchange 6 · Amara, a swimming coach in Nairobi, and Lin, 15, before a final

A

A

1. Amara: (hand on Lin's shoulder) Lane four has the best water today.

2. Lin: Then I'll make good use of it.

C

C

TEXT 3

Crossing on Purpose

Task Read the text. Which of Karpman's four conditions do you think is hardest to meet in real life?

The first rule has a dark side. If complementary transactions can go on indefinitely, so can bad ones. In January 1971, in the first issue of the Transactional Analysis Journal, the psychiatrist Stephen Karpman described people stuck in locked transactions: the same exchange, repeated again and again. One man was always explaining, while the person he dealt with was always complaining. Every reasonable reply he could think of turned out, in TA

terms, to be another Child answer to the same Parent.

Karpman's paper, "Options", proposed a simple remedy: cross the transaction deliberately. For this to work, he set four conditions:

1. One or both ego states must actually change, not just the words.

2. The transaction must really be crossed.

3. The subject must change.

4. The old topic gets forgotten, because the new one is more gripping.

TEXT 3 · CONTINUED

Crossing on Purpose

The choice is made by the Adult, but Karpman insisted that this was not role-playing or pretending. It means answering from another side of yourself that is already there. The most familiar option is a calm Adult question ("What would help right now?"), but a kind word or a joke can cross a transaction too. Using the functional ego states, Karpman counted twenty-four possible ways to cross a single locked exchange.

His purpose, he wrote, was to show that options exist, not to decide which one is best. The paper later won the Eric Berne Memorial Scientific Award (1979).

Crossing has costs. Done clumsily, it can sound like a dodge or a put-down. And in a steep hierarchy, a junior person who crosses a senior one may take a risk that the reverse does not.

Rewrite

Task In pairs, rewrite the line named in each heading. In Exchange 1, repair the crossing so the conversation can continue. In Exchanges 2 and 3, cross the transaction on purpose to break the loop.

Exchange 1 · Rewrite line 2. Wanjiru, 30, phones her mother in Nairobi

Exchange 2 · Rewrite line 4. Flatmates Selin and Matteo, Berlin

Exchange 3 · Rewrite line 4. A project meeting in São Paulo, twenty minutes in, no budget yet

1. Wanjiru: Mum, I've decided to take the job in Montreal.

2. Mother: Montreal? You can't even keep a plant alive. Who will cook for you?

1. Selin: You left the dishes again.

2. Matteo: Sorry, sorry, I was going to do them.

3. Selin: You always say that.

4. Matteo: I know. I'm useless.

1. Ana: Must we do the budget today? Wake me up when it's over.

2. Kofi: Ha! I'll bring pillows.

3. Ana: And snacks. Lots of snacks.

4. Kofi: Obviously. Biscuits for everyone!

In Exchange 1, can the mother still say she is worried, without crossing the transaction?

Role card A · Hana

Task Student A reads only this card. Play Round 1, then Round 2. For Round 3, swap cards with your partner.

You are Hana, a team leader at a travel-booking company in Prague. Your colleague Joel, an analyst in Manila, was due to send the quarterly sales report on Monday. It is now Wednesday. The director in Toronto has asked you about it twice, and this is the third late report this year. You are tired and irritated.

Open every round with: "Joel, again? Do I have to chase every single report myself?"

How to play: Stay irritated for as long as Joel's replies feed it: excuses, apologies, arguing back. If he says something that genuinely changes the conversation, go with it. Don't resist just to make it hard.

After each round, note: the moment your irritation changed, if it did.

Role card B · Joel

Task Student B reads only this card. Hana opens each round. Play Round 1, then Round 2. For Round 3, swap cards and play Round 2 again.

You are Joel, an analyst in Manila. The report is late because the sales figures from the Madrid office arrived on Tuesday night, not last Friday. You emailed Hana about the delay on Monday; she hasn't replied. You feel unfairly blamed.

Round 1: Reply naturally: defend yourself, apologise, explain, whatever comes.

Round 2: Same opening line. This time, cross the transaction on purpose. Check Karpman's four conditions: change your ego state, really cross, change the subject, and make the new subject more gripping than the old one.

If you're stuck: try an Adult question about what the director actually needs, and by when.

Debrief

1. Joel: which line crossed the transaction? Did all four of Karpman's conditions hold?

2. Hana: was there a moment your irritation changed? What caused it?

3. Did crossing on purpose feel honest, or like a technique being used on you?

4. Would it work the same way if Joel were the senior and Hana the junior?

Say what you mean?

Task In small groups, discuss at least four questions. For each one, find a point where your group disagrees, and be ready to report your sharpest disagreement.

1. Is "say what you mean" a universal virtue, or one culture's preference?

2. Where you live, is a hint more polite than a direct request?

3. When is an ulterior message the kinder choice?

4. If the real message is at the psychological level, can anyone be held to their words?

5. Is crossing a transaction on purpose honest, or a quiet form of manipulation?

6. Should children be taught to read hidden messages, or to send fewer of them?

Private reflection

Task Choose one prompt and write privately. Nobody will read what you write. Sharing afterwards is optional.

Prompt 1

Think of a conversation you have seen repeat, at work, at home or among people you know. Without naming anyone, describe it as two P-A-C stacks: which arrows keep firing? What one line might cross it?

Prompt 2 (lighter)

Think of a famous argument in a film, series or book. Which kind of transaction drives it, and what line could have ended it?

Back to the keys

Task Name each transaction. Has your view of the "best" reply changed?

Kenji: Have you seen my keys?

A

Leila: On the hook by the door.

B

Leila: Why do you always blame me when you lose things?

C

Leila: Oh, you poor thing. Come here, we'll find them together, like always.

Back to the keys

This week, notice one crossed transaction: at work, at home or on screen.

P

What happened in the next three lines? Did anyone shift ego state to get the conversation going again?

A

Next lesson: Strokes. The units of recognition that every transaction exchanges, and what people do when they don't get enough.

C

TEACHER'S REFERENCE · SKIP OR DELETE BEFORE CLASS

Answer key (1)

THE NEXT LINE / BACK TO THE KEYS Kenji's question is Adult to Adult

• A. Complementary: Adult to Adult, and back. The conversation about the keys can continue (and here, end happily).

• B. Crossed: Leila replies from Child to Kenji's Parent, although Kenji spoke from Adult. The topic of the keys breaks off; this is the same shape as Berne's cuff-links example.

• C. Crossed: Leila replies from Parent to Kenji's Child. The crossing is kind, but it is still a crossing. The conversation continues only if Kenji shifts into Child and accepts being looked after (the second rule in action); if he stays in Adult ("I just need the keys"), irritation follows.

READ THE DIAGRAMS · 1

• Exchange 1: Complementary. Priya A then Tomasz A; Tomasz A then Priya A. Diagram correct.

• Exchange 2: The wrong diagram. Nadia's request for comfort comes from Child and is aimed at Parent, so redraw arrow 1 from left C to right P. Femi answers from Parent to Child (right P then left C), so the arrows run parallel: complementary, not crossed. (Some students may argue Nadia is in Adult, stating plainly what she needs. Accept the argument if they can point to the evidence; the tone cue, dropping her bag, and "just tell me" point to Child.)

• Exchange 3: Crossed. Lucas A then Mei A; Mei C then Lucas P. Diagram correct. Lucas's next line, examples: complementary from Parent ("Because last month you forgot!"), which escalates; or a return to Adult that invites Mei's Adult ("I'm not checking up. The client called asking for it, that's all.").

TEACHER'S REFERENCE · SKIP OR DELETE BEFORE CLASS

Answer key (2)

READ THE DIAGRAMS · 2

• Exchange 4 (angular, three ego states): social level, solid, Ravi A then Chiara A ("this project is demanding"). Psychological level, dashed, Ravi A then Chiara C ("bet you can't"). Chiara answers from Child (right C then left A): "I'll show you." Third rule: the outcome is decided at the psychological level; Chiara takes on the project because she has been challenged, not because she has weighed it up.

• Exchange 5 (duplex, four ego states): social level, Ahmed A then Sara A and back (a question and an answer about a bill). Psychological level, dashed: Ahmed P then Sara C ("you never remember anything"); Sara C then Ahmed P ("stop checking up on me"). Also acceptable: Sara P then Ahmed C ("unlike you, I'm reliable"), if students can justify it. Third rule: although the facts were exchanged politely, expect a cold or tense evening.

• Exchange 6 (duplex, four ego states): social level, Amara A then Lin A and back (information about lanes). Psychological level, dashed: Amara P then Lin C ("you're ready; I believe in you"); Lin C then Amara P ("I won't let you down"). Third rule: Lin swims with confidence. This is a kind ulterior transaction, useful for discussion question 3 on "Say what you mean?".

REWRITE sample answers; many others are possible

• Exchange 1, Mother: "Montreal! That's a big step. When do you start, and where will you live?" Adult to Adult, so the conversation about the job can continue. She can still be honest about her feelings without crossing: "I'll miss you. Tell me about the job."

TEACHER'S REFERENCE · SKIP OR DELETE BEFORE CLASS

Answer key (3)

• Exchange 2, Matteo: "You're right. Let's agree a system: I'll do the dishes every evening this week, and you check on Friday." Matteo leaves the Child, invites Selin's Adult and changes the subject from blame to a plan (Karpman's conditions 1–3; condition 4 holds if the plan is more interesting than the complaint). A humorous crossing can also work: "Let's put it on the fridge: Matteo's Dishes Week."

• Exchange 3, Kofi: "Snacks approved, once we've agreed the snack budget. Page one: what did we spend last quarter?" Kofi keeps a touch of the Child's humour but moves to Adult, so the locked Child–Child loop is crossed and the subject changes to the budget. A plain Adult crossing also works: "Serious question: what's the one number we need to agree today?"